I do not understand. I am at a loss of words and my emotions are all over the place. Of course I am excited to see my mom and friends but not this soon.
Why are we leaving God?
Why did we all do this much work for two months?
This was supposed to be 11 months. 11 months of laughter. Breakthroughs. Family. Jokes. Crying. Growing. Communion.
I am angry inside.
I hurt inside.
Most everyone is joking. Talking about what they’ll do when they are home. Feeling peace from the decision.
I cannot be happy. Another transition.
I am angry God. I am angry at you. I have never been angry at you before. I can always see and understand that the plan is bigger than me and have a peace about it. This time I can’t. A big life change came my way, our way. And now it’s been stripped. Taken away. Do I believe that you have bigger and better for each one of us? Yes, of course.
I cannot see the plan and I am struggling so much with it this time. I do not think it is time for me to go home, yet that is where I am going.
I do not want to hear the usual pep talks of
God provides
His will be done
His plans are better
Trust in Him
My heart is not open to that, not right now. Instead of enjoying time with my squad, I have pouted and sulked around. I can’t fake the happiness.
I may never know why this trip ended. You may never reveal it. I pray you do. But you might not. That is closure that will be difficult to deal with.
I said yes to you and I’ve been trying to keep my arms open but they are weak.
I thought I had more time with them, deeper connections, deeper growth, more laughs, more jokes, more family time. And it came quickly to an end.
This has been a hard process and I wish I could’ve opened up to my squad earlier but I couldn’t.
We have been changed for good and I will remember all the sweet moments that we had together but in the now I am just hurt.
I look at my squad and smile inside that they can carry on and outwardly be happy in the moment. But I immediately come back to reality that all this ends soon.
Heal my heart Lord. Fill the broken void of leaving family. May we never lose our wonder.
Do not let people interrupt your tears. Grieve this well, just like Peter does in John 21. I’m praying for you.
Valid! No pep talks from me because right now I am confused as well. While you are for sure way more emotionally invested than I am, we will both be asking Him a lot of questions and for a tiny bit of clarity. If He reveals something to you first let me know. For now Though, I will just rest in the assurance I know from His character because that’s always good.
His Will be done.
I love you Erica. Always praying for you. I understand your hurt why things happen.
Praying for answers for your broken heart
Safe travels my friend, I know you are hurting right now but I also know your Mom and she will sleep much better knowing you are home safe with everything gong on. God speed sweetheart, come home safe!!!
Thanks you for your honesty. Life is totally confusing and really hurts sometimes. Your feelings are completely understandable valid. Hurting with you for this enormous, unexpected, unwanted change of plans ??
Thank you for sharing your heart. We love you.
My heart breaks for you and the many questions gone unanswered for the moment. May God show you clarity with time and may you find peace from within. Anger is a human emotion none of us can escape. Recognizing it and speaking outloud of it’s presence makes you a wise young woman. Let it out and never hold back any emotion. We all love you, Erica and wish you a safe travel back home. Another adventure will come along. Personal growth will continue as well as your spiritual growth. Hang in there.
Erica, thank you for your vulnerability. Your openness and honesty is encouraging.
You have grown so much since we have last hung out.
I love you dear friend. I am hurting with you and for you.
Romans 12:12-15
Psalm 34:18
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Thanks for being Real! As we walk through these times when we don’t understand and we can’t see why, truly all we can do is lean on what we know and that is He will never leave us or forsake us. I have had some of the same feelings before after accepting the call to be a full time missionary. I can’t promise you will get the answers to your questions but in my own times of discouragement I always remind myself, He who began a good work, will see it through! Praying for you????
Love you Erica. The hardest part of this journey.
No words, just sending you a good ole West Texas HUG!
Praying for the Lord to heal your broken heart! I’m so sorry that this is happening to you! ????