Control. This word can have such a negative connotation in our world. We look at the word control in a way that a person has control over another, we try to control our circumstances, or we want to control every outcome in our life. Control has been a big struggle for me throughout my life.
I am a pretty organized person, well let’s be honest I have OCD and most definitely like things done a certain way and if I can control how they can be done well goodness am I a happy person. Anyone else struggle with this? First step is admitting the problem! 🙂
Thinking about these upcoming 11 months there are going to be situations overseas and at home that I will have absolutely no control over. The term FOMO (fear of missing out) is going to be real when missing the day to day life back at home and truthfully I don’t know how hard it will hit but I know it will hit hard.
What is the Lord making evident to me in the process? That he is my full dependence. God is in control always. And even though when I may think I have control, I don’t, God does. God has been in control throughout this whole journey and it has been wonderful and scary to see my trust in Him grow more and more. I cannot wait to see the Lord work in these next upcoming months and see myself and my squad learn to really lean into Him. I think what’s going to be hardest is not being able to pick up the phone and call or text someone, especially my mom. When you have that person that you share everything with and call daily, now to have that stripped is pretty much life changing already. But can I say how humbling it is to come to reality and know that I belong to the Lord anyways, and that I stand on the solid rock of Christ. I know without a shadow of a doubt who my maker is and that serving him is the ultimate big picture. Continuing to trust deeper and deeper and letting God take control (which is going to be a step by step everyday battle between Spirit and flesh), is a gracious realization that is humbling to the soul.
The Lord is doing a work in and around me and I am excited to surrender and see all that is done!
I’m just over here crying!! I love you!